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2011

2011, Aug.
I've been trying to plan my live since I started posting here. But almost every plan failed.
Today I can finally say, no more plan, let me enjoy everyday.
This is another beginning.
Wow, it's been a long time since I added a new post. Things happened, good and bad. Now I feel like talking about myself again, for good and bad reasons.
To be continued...
One must always have a goal.

One of these days

Last night I went to Tool's concert, the second last song was "Wings for Marie", they played it with most of the lights off and laser beams around the entire stadium. This is the story behind it:
“Marie” is the middle name of Keenan’s(lead singer, song writer) deceased mother, Judith Marie Garrison. As Keenan explains in his commentary on A Perfect Circle’s aMOTION DVD, Judith suffered a stroke that left her partially paralyzed and wheelchair-bound. [He was 11 years old at the time.]  The two-part song, “Wings for Marie”, is an opus dedicated to her. The length of time between the paralysis and her death was 27 years, or approximately 10,000 days.

Last night I was there when he sang these words:

Part 1
————–
You…

You believed
You believed in moments not conceived
You believed in me

A passionate spirit
Uncompromise
Without us in your heart
A light in your eyes that
Ends all lies

Vacant, broken
Fell at the hands of
Those moments that I wouldn’t see
Cause it was you who prayed for me, so
What have I done to be a son to an angel?
What have I done to be worthy?

Daylight dims leaving cold fluorescence
Difficult to see you in this light
Please forgive this selfish question, but
What am I to say to all these ghouls tonight?

She never told a lie
Well might of told a lie
But never lived one
Didn’t have a life
Didn’t have a life
But surely saved one
Asleep? Oh alright
Now it’s time for us to let you go

Part 2
————-

We listen to the tales and romanticize
How we follow the path of the hero
Boast about the day when the rivers overrun
How we’ll rise to the height of our halo
Listen to the tales as we all rationalize
Our way into the arms of the savior
Fading all the trials and the tribulations
None of us have actually been there
Not like you

Ignorant fibbers in the congregation
Gather around spewing sympathy, spare me
None of them could even hold a candle up to you
Blinded by choices hypocrites won’t seek
But enough about the collective Judas
Who could deny you were the one
Who would have made it?
You’ll have a piece of the divine
This little light of mine
The gift you passed on to me
I’m gonna let it shine
To guide you safely on your way
Your way home

Oh, what are they gonna do
When the lights go down
Without you to guide them all to Zion?
What are they gonna do when the rivers overrun
Other than tremble incessantly?
High as a wave,
But I’ll rise on up off the ground
You are the light and the way
They’ll only read about
I only pray heaven knows
When to lift you out
Ten thousand days in the fire is long enough
You’re going home

You’re the only one who can
Hold your head up high
Shake your fist at the gates saying,
I have come home now
Fetch me the spirit, the son and the father
Tell them their pillar of faith has ascended
It’s time now
My time now

Give me my
Give me my wings

You are the light, the way
That they will only read about

Set as I am in my ways and my arrogance
Burden of proof tossed upon all non-believers
You were my witness, my eyes, my evidence
Judith Marie, unconditional one

Daylight dims leaving cool fluorescence
Difficult to see you in this light
Please forgive this bold suggestion
Should you see your maker’s face tonight
Look ‘em in the eye
Look ‘em in the eye and tell ‘em
I never lived a lie, never took a life
But surely saved one, hallejullah
It’s time for you to bring me home

I went off searching for other people's reaction to this song and came across a interesting blog. This person was born in the same month as I did, and if he was black I would be white. At least from his blog he seems like the polar opposite of me, yet I felt this strange connection. My mom always say everyone was born for a reason, and there will be a reason for me (she says this whenever I get confused and troubled). Maybe the reason is not to be or do something, but to balance. For every person like me there will be someone just NOT like me.
Then I won't feel so bad about things sometime, because it's just the way it is.

Jun. 19th, 2007

I am absolutely overwhelmed by the statement 'You can do anything you want.'
One day at a time, one step at a time.

Notes to myself

Don't just recall the past, forget it as well.
At the moment of weakness, shield yourself.
If you feel the next person is luckier than you are, be happy for him or her.
If you can't be the man, be the man the man counts on.
Truth is harsh, but it doesn't have to be harshly explained.
The most important thing in the world is not you or your mood right now.
Think big, bigger, it might happen.
Persistence was always forgotten.
If you are laughing at someone, remember to laugh at yourself sometime too.

Jun. 9th, 2007

I feel abnormally wise today, probably because I'm drunk. Cheers to life!

poem







Remember the day I borrowed your brand new car and I dented it?
I thought you'd kill me, but you didn't.

And remember the time I dragged you to the beach, and you said it would rain, and it did?
I thought you'd say, "I told you so."  But you didn't.

Do you remember the time I flirted with all the guys to make you jealous, and you were?
I thought you'd leave me, but you didn't.

Do you remember the time I spilled strawberry pie all over your car rug?
I thought you'd hit me, but you didn't.

And remember the time I forgot to tell you the dance was formal and you showed up in jeans?
I thought you'd drop me, but you didn't.

Yes, there were lots of things you didn't do,
But you put up with me, and you loved me, and you protected me.

There were lots of things I wanted to make up to you when you returned from Viet Nam.

But you didn't.

Leo Buscaglia